What Was That Political Agenda?

Farting is a natural and daily occurrence that assures a person of proper gut function.  The gut is affected by dietary habits, food mix, substances, overindulgences and emotional reactions.  Everyone farts for one reason or another.  Some people fart more than others. 

Whenever there's been a fart, people want to know who did it.  Something stinks and people need to know the cause.  It's just like the proverbial rat.  Someone smells a rat, so something has been left undone.  Something is unclean.  Something doesn't smell right and someone had better take responsibility.

Yes, whenever something stinks there has to be a person responsible.  And wherever people are responsible there are politics.  The bigger the stink the bigger the group of people.  The bigger the group of people, the more people that are responsible.  The more people responsible, the bigger the politics.  And politics raise a stink.  It's always a crapshoot which will raise the bigger stink-- the people or the politics.

What was that political agenda?  You can tell by the smell.  A group that wants to bulldoze through with their own agenda without anyone else's input is the group of elephants.  A group that devises an agenda by working for the people is the group of donkeys.  Elephants are intelligent and have the power to do what they want.  Donkeys have wisdom and have the practicality to do what works best for everyone.  Both animals have the innate ability to create a stink, but the donkey doesn't smell quite as bad.

No, the donkey is unable to raise as big a stink as the elephant alone.  The donkey needs a much bigger group to make the same impact as a small group of elephants.  Problem is when you're in a zoo there are only so many donkeys allowed.  There are probably the same number of elephants in addition to a wide range of other animals.  In this type of situation the donkey can't really compete, so what does he do?

The donkey gets with the elephant during chow time.  If there are multiple donkeys and elephants, they all eat together and designate a spokesanimal to represent each group agenda.  During the meal, the animals find out which part of the agenda blows the most hot air.  The air with the worst smell is allowed to fly away with the wind.

Most likely the worst smell has come from bad habits, a bad mix, not enough substance, too many overindulgences, and too much emotion.  All that set aside leaves a clean agenda and a sigh of relief.  As it flies away with the wind all the animals are left with a good feeling in their gut.  And no one will be asking who farted.

Where Do You Die?

All of the body's time is spent managing its trillion or more cells.  A lot of the time spent is in the funeral business.  Cells either die of old age, are killed by toxins, succumb to the damage of abuse, or burst from body imbalances.  The funeral business is a necessity inside the body because every day cells are dying somewhere.

Yes, the body has a funeral for its own cells when they die.  There is a ritual that takes place that is just like a funeral.  The byproducts of cell death are identified and prepared.  Most of them come from the proliferating parts of the body, like the blood stream, the gastrointestinal lining, or hair follicles.  Then they are either buried inside another cell or transported so that they may be laid to rest somewhere else in the body.  Most often the remains are buried in an area that evacuates itself from time to time.  The remains of cells are excreted so that may be free.

Cells die because they have a cycle of life just like everything else.  Some cells live longer than others.  Some cell types reproduce and perpetuate their own cycle to maintain a function and purpose in life.  Some cells die and the only thing left is a memory.  But cells die and the byproducts of cell death must be managed by the body.  The ritual to identify, prepare, and carry off the remains takes place every time.  It is a funeral ritual, but does not have as many aspects to it as a funeral does for a human body.

No, the funeral of a cell body does not come with the same expectations as a funeral for a human body.  Both the cell and the human have intelligent function.  They both can potentially die in a number of ways.  They both need to be taken care of after death.  The expectation differs, though, because of the differing focus on life after death.

The cell focus is on rebirth and the continuation of reproduction and maintenance of function.  The focus is on renewal.  The human focus is on the death itself, how one life has ceased to exist and the impossibility of associated humans to continue life without it.  The focus is more on the internal death of the spirit of those who continue to live.  The human endures cell death that is compounded by dying a little bit more inside.

Where do you die?  Do you die a little in your blood stream for the sake of renewal?  Do you die in your stomach lining to strengthen that which protects you?  Or do you kill entire parts of your body with drugs?  Do you create permanent damage to your lungs with smoke?  Do you drink to numb your brain by killing its cells?  Or do you succumb to grief and other mental anguish that kills your spirit in advance of your body?

Every day everyone dies a little bit inside.  Death occurs for both renewal and to cease an existence.  You can't change nature, so what do you do?  Protect what you have now so that it functions to the fullest before death.  Celebrate the renewal of life and support it in every way that it needs to flourish.  Identify your biggest purpose now and live it to the fullest potential.  Get it done before the funeral.  In the end you'll be set free.

Why Are You Funny?

Some people are scared of laughter.  They're scared of those memories.  There's a memory of the carnival's sad clown with the grotesque yellow-toothed smile and blood curdling laugh that sent children running.  There's a memory of the high-pitched nervous laugh somewhere in the crowd of funeral attendees when family spoke of the deceased.  There's a memory of a creepy bald man at a training session that bawled like a cow laughing from his own joke when no one else made a sound.  Those memories of that laughter scare people.

People get scared of laughter and they stop laughing.  People stop laughing and there's no diaphragmatic spasms; no jiggling bellies.  There's no ha-ha-ing turned to breathlessness, no cackling turned to coughing.  There's no mouth contortions turned to drooling and choking.  There's no elation in the eyeballs or clamping eyelids turned to tears.  There's no wretching pain from laughter whatsoever.

No, nothing is funny and there's no physical pain.  Problem is when nothing is funny, the emotional pain from scary memories of laughter etch themselves deeper into the core of the soul.  Etched fear in the soul slowly eradicates joy until everything seems tragic.  The focus on tragedy results in wretching emotional pain.

Yes, wretching emotional pain results when there's no wretching physical pain.  You feel both types of pain because of the neurofeedback system that exists in your body and mind.  There will always be both emotional pain and physical pain.  Nature provides this type of neurofeedback for transmission of warning signals.  The warning signals help you help yourself.  What helps you can also hurt you.  You can't change nature, so what do you do?

You use physical pain to eradicate the emotional pain.  Once the emotional pain has been eradicated, the memory is still available for recall.  The memory is there, but the pain has been relocated.  Pain is not funny, but the dynamic of pain can be painfully funny.  A painfully funny situation opens the gate for release of the unfunny.

Why are you funny?  Do you have a big nose or a contorted mouth?  Is your hair frayed and out of control?  Do you have abnormally large feet?  Maybe you don't know what to say or how to act around the deceased.  Maybe people look down at their watches when you try to tell a joke.  Maybe your own fears are painfully funny.

Identify your own quirks and find ways to laugh at them.  Look for comedy sketches that capitalize on these quirks.  Keep looking for your comedy.  When you laugh until it hurts, you've created the gate of release.  Talk about the comedy in these quirks and fears and how you relate.  People will laugh in wretching pain.

What Was That Weather Report?

Moving water that hits a drainpipe at an angle swirls into a funnel formation.  The water becomes more forceful within the funnel.  Its tail twists down the air pocket into the pipe and flows with the pull of the Earth.  This type of drainage is useful in yards, sinks, and toilets to prevent the formation of a sewage abyss.  This drain is useful, that is, until it's clogged.

No, when there's a clog there's no flow and there's no funnel.  No funnel means no added force.  No force means no twisting nor movement.  No movement.  Water is at a standstill.  You might say it's been dammed.  You might say you've been damned.  If it's at your house, you might be damned with damage from the dam.  If the damned dam damage is outside, you could be damned a second time with rain.  Rain on the dam.

What was that weather report?  Could be dammed.  A weather report could be at a standstill.  It may put you at a standstill.  When you think you know what the weather will be, you're stopped in your tracks, not knowing really what to do.  Even after hearing a weather report you probably don't know much more than you did.  The weather reporters are dammed because they don't really know either.  No one really knows the weather until there's been a result.  The good thing about results is that you know what could happen next time.

Yes, experiencing this earthly manifestation is the importance of the human experience.  We learn from it.  When people have created dams, damage has been prevented.  When there's a clog and a failing drain dam, damage can be created.  All in all we know from past dams there's no moving water.  With no movement there's no force, no funnel.

Hmmm.  No force, no funnel.  In the air that would be a good thing because then there would be no damage.  A twister forms in the sky when moving air hits an air drain.  The twisting increases the force of the air which pushes the moving air down until a funnel is formed.  It's the funnel touching the ground that causes the damage.  As long as the Earth keeps moving, the air will continue to move and twist.  So what do you do?  You keep the twister from forming a funnel.

Whenever there's a tornado watch, find out where the low density pockets are in the air.  It's these air pockets that serve as a drain for the moving air.  The drain helps the twister form the funnel.  If the air pockets change to a higher level density so that they act like a clogged drain, the moving air will slow or move in another direction without ever touching down.  Cold air has a higher density than warm air, so the air pocket density would have to change by providing cold air replacements.

Since air moves and the air pockets may also move, everyone in a storm needs to take action to protect their own property from damage.  The only way to take this type of action is to keep a snow cannon in a freezer during the tornado watch.  When the tornado watch becomes a tornado warning, get your snow cannon.  Take the snow cannon outside and use the dam water to make snow and blast it up into the air.  The freezing air will then clog the air pocket and dam the air.  The air will be dammed and there will be no damage.  Damn those funnels to hell.

What Was That Phone Number?

A telephone system transmits fields of radio waves and electrical signals to a receiver.  The transmitter also acts as a receiver allowing for a two-way communication system at its most basic level.  This back and forth transmission system of information can be very useful in many ways.  Trouble is people try to communicate with each other using this system.

No, a two-way conversation does not indicate communication, much less comprehension.  If a person calls a company and a robot answers, the only guarantee is a two-way conversation.  The phone is answered right away, and the robot always responds, but the person has to say what the pre-programmed robot expects to hear or there's no communication and the robot hangs up.  If the person asks to speak to a person, often times the robot doesn't understand and the conversation is over.

Some companies have live phone operators available from outside North America.  So when Fernando is the only employee willing to work overtime, a person punches one for English to report a landline malfunction and Fernando answers. Fernando doesn't understand English, but reads out the carefully scripted statements from his worksheet in English.  Afterwards the person's landline is still dead, but $75 of new services has been added to the bill.

Yes, two people talking seem to create mixed signals.  Two people that supposedly speak the same language might even make sparks fly.  An irate customer asking to speak to the manager is told by the scapegoat the manager will call later.  No call comes from any manager.  Instead a generic letter is sent to the customer stating a call was made.  The customer calls the number in the letter, which is the number back to the scapegoat.  Of course the scapegoat has never heard of the manager who supposedly sent the letter.

What was that phone number?  Where could you even look that up?  It's not available.  That goes against the aggression and manipulation strategy of AT&T executives.  No customer is satisfied by the aggression and manipulation tactic of non-communication.  So why do they do it?  They all seem to know what to do, so they must have all attended the same School of Gotcha.

Yes, there's a School of Gotcha, but they don't meet in a schoolyard.  It is a highly classified coaching session held regularly at all AT&T executive meetings.  The place for each meeting varies.  It could be on an executive jet with their favorite Scotch, in an executive boardroom with a catered spread, or one of the monthly executive retreats which alternates beaches in the sun and snowy mountains next to the fireplace.  The School of Gotcha coaching outline covers creative new ways for mixing signals.  When signals are mixed, there's no real communication.  It's non-communication because there's no conversation and certainly no comprehension.

That phone number is not available, so how do you speak to an executive from the School of Gotcha?  Don't mix signals.  Speak one way.  Send your check to a company that ensures two-way communication.

Why Are You Hungry?

Most people are familiar with the regular cycle that occurs each day mouth to anus.  It's a type of hunger.  When people wake up in the morning, they instinctively want something liquid or solid to stimulate the flow of saliva in the mouth, gastric secretions in the stomach, absorption in the small intestine, and excretion from the large intestine.  Everything has to happen just right between mind and gastrointestinal system or it just might ruin their day.  An everyday problem might even ruin their life.  A solid back and forth communication between body, mind, and gastrointestinal system is required for a solid outcome.

Yes, the gut sends a variety of hunger signals to your brain so that your brain will signal your musculoskeletal system to move itself to the kitchen and get something to put in your mouth.  This starts the cycle that moves everything else.  The problem is your mood alters communication.  Your mood alters not only your gut signals, but also your interpretation of the signals you receive.  Instead of putting the type of liquid or solid in your mouth that your gut needs to complete a normal cycle, your mood convinces you to put something in your mouth that you think might taste good.  Your mind cannot ignore the gut.

No, when your mind ignores the gut, good communication between the mind and body stops.  The mind wants to ease tension by activating its satiety center with something fatty, sugary, salty, or all three.  The mind convinces itselt that a blast of fat, sugar and salt is all it needs.  The gut gets ignored and the gut gets upset.  The gut gets upset and paybacks are hell. 

The mouth might dry up.  The stomach may churn out double the acid and project it up into your mouth. The stomach may hurl--more than once.  The gut might go into overdrive and shove acidic bits out the anus several times during the day.  Then again, the large intestine might hold everything solid inside until it has dried into rock-like formations, all the while blasting the rocks repeatedly with high pressure air flow.  The gut knows this is the only way to get the mind off center enough to listen.  The gut plays dirty, so it's best you listen up.

Why are you hungry?  Do you want the comfort from food you recieved as a baby?  Do you want to settle your mind with a percieved need for fat, sugar, or salt?  Are you trying feed the thoughts that affect your gut that you misinterpret as a real need for food?  Or are you hungry for a smooth cycling gut?  Are you hungry for solid communication between your brain and your gastrointestinal system?

We are designed to cycle our gastrointestinal system with signals from both the mind and the gut.  The signals must work in harmony to enjoy the synchrony.  The mind can upset the gut and the gut can upset the mind.  We can't change mother nature, so what do we do?  We listen to the signals from our mind and we listen to the signals from our gut.  Then we react based on need.

First you determine why your gut is sending the signals.  How long has it been since you've eaten?  How many calories do you need?  Is your stomach empty?  Are you thirsty or hungry?  Are you truly hungry or do you have fat stores you can use?  If your stomach is churning from being empty but you don't need the calories, all it needs is to cycle.  Water and a piece of fruit is enough.  But if you have eaten and you still feel hungry, the signals are from your mind, not your gut.  Your gut doesn't need anything, but your mind needs a distraction.  Please your mind by pleasing your gut.  Don't go to the kitchen.  Take your gut out for a walk instead.

Why Are You Happy?

People don't get what they want.  They don't get the food they want, the drink they want, the love they want, the car they want, the house they want, the job they want, the boss they want, the spouse they want, the kids they want.  They just can't be happy.  They keep anticipating a better life that never comes.  They live on a spectrum of misery.

Yes, there is a spectrum of misery.  This spectrum is based on what your body needs to exist, what your mind needs, and what your spirit needs.  You are miserable without water. If you get water you are miserable without food.  If you get enough food, you are miserable without a place to live.  If you have a place to live, you are miserable without family and friends.  If you have family and friends, you are miserable because you look for something more.  You look for something more, and you're miserable about it, but your sense of exactly what you are looking for is muddled.

The further along the spectrum of misery, the more complex the misery becomes and the more difficult it is to know what you really want.  Therein lies the quandary of why people who seemingly have everything can be the most miserable.  They are on the far end of the spectrum of misery that is the most complex and most difficult to placate.  The complexity of the misery leads to confusion.  They think, "If only we had a shinier car," or "chandeliers on the ceiling would make all the difference."

No, the person does not understand the misery, because they have somehow been conditioned to believe that there is a way to be happy about everything all the time.  If you're not happy all the time, then you must need more food, more alcohol, or more pills, right?  If one doesn't do it, then how about two?  How about all three all the time?  How about shooting up every two hours?  Surely you'll be happy all the time then, right?  No, you will die.  There might be happiness after death, but no one living can be sure.

We are designed by nature to feel bad and to feel good.  There's sadness, depression, anger, and anxiety.  Then there's joy, glee,contentment, and satisfaction.  There are a wide range of bad and good feelings within our body and mind always waiting to come out.  The irony is that we struggle harder to feel good and we feel worse in the process.  When we don't recognize what's happening, we continue down the path of deepening misery and we disconnect from our spirit.  We can't change mother nature, so what do we do?  We strive for happiness by recognizing our personal source of misery and using it to stay connected with our spirit.

Why are you happy?  Does your car have a fantastic shine?  Do chandeliers hang from your ceiling?  Do you eat constantly?  Do you numb your feelings with drugs or alcohol?  If you are self aware, you know that your innermost happiness does not come from the outside.  The headrush of happiness surges naturally through your body and mind.  It's not constant, because that's not natural.  It fleets in and out as good and bad feelings intermingle.  It comes from your spirit when it has overcome your misery.

It comes when you have taken action to reconnect with your spirit in spite of your misery.  It comes when you avoid numbing your miserable feelings and take action on them instead.  It comes when you mend broken relationships.  It comes when you find common ground between two extremes.  It comes when you see the fantastic shine of someone else's happiness because of your own actions.  It comes when you see the light without chandeliers.  It comes when you see someone else's spirit.  You know it because you see your own.

Why Are You An Ass?

Anyone who has worked on a farm with an ass knows what one is like.  An ass is intelligent, efficient, has a good memory, is physically strong, has a slow steady gait, and is dependable.  The ass is commonly referred to as a beast of burden, because for thousands of years it has provided a mode of transportation for people and their belongings.  My how times have changed.

The modern day perception of the ass generally refers to either the human anatomy or mental disposition.  Although the dictionary clearly states that this type of depiction of the ass is in no way the true definition, it is in fact the most commonly used definition in everyday speech at home, in the media, and in commerce.  When the term ass is used in association with a human, it's usually not a good thing.

No, if people are talking about your buttocks and say it is an ass, it's best you don't hear the particulars.  If your ass is huge, you might be able to transport a sack of meal on it, but it won't give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside.  If your ass is say within 36 inches and shaped like a peach, it might turn on the animal drives of every other human around you, but that might make them act like an ass.

Yes, the animal instinct can make you act like an ass.  And people will talk.  If you avoid your higher intellect and act like an animal, you are an ass.  You're acting like an ass when you make unwanted advances toward another person.  You're an ass when you raise your voice to someone who just did what you asked them to.  You're showing your ass when you're irritable and berating someone as they try to clean up your mess.  You're a pain in the ass when you demand someone keep your coffee at a certain temperature.

Why are you an ass?  Are you the ass in the truest sense of the word?  Can you reason through inference?  Do you remember where you parked the car?  Are you physically strong, with a good sense of balance?  Do you follow through with your word?  Do you show up for work every day?  Then again, what part of you is the modern day version of the ass?  What is your beast of burden that makes people talk?

You are designed as both the ass of yore and the ass of today.  You have intelligence and useful abilities.  But people are talking about the size of your buttocks and the level of your self-absorption.  You can't change mother nature.  So what do you do?

Decide why you are the ass of yore and let that part of you shine.  Decide why you are the ass of today and talk to people about your burdens before they talk about you.  Just don't burden anyone with it.  Figure out a way you and your cohorts can deal with it and then move on.  Sometimes just letting the people around you know you are aware of your own flaws is enough.  And on the days people talk about your ass, help clean up the mess.

Why Are You Attractive?

What exactly happens when a bomb blows?  I think everyone imagines some of the same things...  It's sudden.  It's explosive.  A lot of bits and pieces tend to fly up and hit whatever happens to be there.  People are hurt.  There may be fire.  There is destruction.  There is usually long lasting damage.  In sum, it's never pretty.  You might say it's very unattractive.

This past Saturday, a middle-aged woman had an emotional blow.  It was like a bomb had gone off, and it was very unattractive.  She was putting dishes in the washer.  She blew, and it was sudden.  It caught the dinner guests off guard.  One guest pointed out decidedly that the party must be over.

Yes, the party was over, but the guests were trapped in the rubble.  Her tirade continued on for over thirty minutes.  Nothing could be done to stop the destruction.  Two of the guests were burned repeatedly.  Like a computer left sitting on a loop of track media, the woman touted over and over that she was so nice.  That was the problem--the guests just couldn't see that.

No, when a bomb goes off, people do not tend to see the beauty in it.  Just like the woman, a bomb may be nicely polished and painted on the outside before it goes off.  Before an explosion, the bomb might even be in some ways attractive.

Why are you attractive?  Do you keep your face nicely polished and painted?  Does this outer attraction lead to false hopes and eventual destruction?  So what is your inner attraction?  What part of you makes another person want to be near you or even bond for life?  Is it your compassion?  Is it your ability to make someone laugh?  Is it your personal talent?  Then again, what comes from the inside that makes you unattractive?  What makes you blow?

We are designed as both attractive and unattractive beings on the outside and on the inside.  For many, that is the difficulty of coping.  With everything you like about a person or situation, something you don't like will come with the package.  Recognizing this in yourself is the first step to healthy coping.  You are attractive in some ways.  In some ways you are also unattractive.  You can't change mother nature.  So what do you do?

Decide why you are attractive and let that part of you shine.  Decide why you are unattractive and talk with people about it.  Figure out a way you and your cohorts can deal with it and then move on.  Sometimes just letting the people around you know you are aware of your own flaws is enough.  And on the days an unexpected bomb blows, help clean it up.